What Are You Waiting For?
 Forward progress should be an essential element of your life every day
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​​This is a question I find myself asking A LOT when I am trying to figure out why the traffic in front of me is not moving even though the light is green and the path is otherwise clear.  Invariably, a driver somewhere up the line is distracted by the text they are reading or sending and they haven’t looked up from their mobile phone.
 
For some reason, we are conditioned to think that it is rude to beep the horn at someone, so we all just sit politely while the distracted driver continues in his oblivion until he realizes that he hasn’t been paying attention.  Eventually, we will all move forward again, but why should I be delayed because someone else isn’t paying attention?  What is wrong with a friendly tap on the horn to snap someone back to reality?
 
As far as I’m concerned, the whole thing is unacceptable.  The broader topic of distracted driving and the safety hazards it can create are well documented.  I am speaking specifically about the delay in forward progress caused by one person’s distraction or lack of priority…unacceptable.
 
When I am behind the wheel of my car, I have a singular purpose and that is to get from point A to point B as safely and quickly as possible.  I am in the car to go somewhere.  I believe that if everyone felt that way about their travels, there would be a lot of happy commuters with more time on their hands to spend in other ways besides unnecessarily waiting for someone who doesn’t share the same set of priorities.
 
Allowing someone or something to delay your forward progress should be unacceptable under any circumstances, whether you are measuring it on the road in traffic or on your journey through life!
 
Forward progress should be an essential element of your life every day.  If you are not moving toward the achievement of a goal or the completion of a task, what are you doing and why are you doing it?  Do you make it a point to learn something new on a daily basis?
 
Even when you are relaxing or enjoying a holiday, part of the value of those times is re-energizing for the next round, the next challenge, or the next commute.
 
In some cases, you may even be your own worst enemy and the one most likely to delay your own attempt to move forward.
 
So, what do you find yourself waiting for?  At work, for instance, are you waiting for something to happen or are you making something happen?  I’ll give you an example.  How often do you find yourself waiting for someone to call you back?  When you placed the call, did you leave a clear message stating the purpose of your call?  Did you indicate when you would like to hear back from the person?
 
If you are waiting for something to happen, you may be coasting on the mere fact you placed the call.  If you are making something happen, you made the call with purpose and you know exactly how long you will wait before you call that person back, or give that person a friendly tap on the horn, so to speak.
 
Here is another example.  Are you waiting for your boss to notice the good work that you are doing or are you making your good work known?  If you are fortunate enough to work in an environment that is collaborative and one, in which, you receive feedback about your job performance and where you are headed career-wise, be sure to take advantage of that good fortune by sharing your views and insight.  If you wait until your merit review rolls around to do so, you may very well be disappointed.
 
Even if you have a manager who is switched on and interested in helping you to develop, he or she will only be as good as what they know.  If they don’t know how you feel or what is important to you, they will be left to rely solely on their own experience to determine where your best fit is.
 
In other words, if you are interested in managing people someday, be sure to let your boss know so that you can be evaluated on that basis.  If you really enjoyed a certain project or you were disappointed not to have been included on a new initiative, be sure to share your views with the people who were instrumental in making those decisions.
 
You can’t expect to stay silent and wait until your annual review hoping to be recognized as someone who is upwardly mobile.  It may work out, but your chances of positively influencing how you are recognized and what you are recognized for are far greater if you do not wait to get actively involved.
 
What would happen if the police simply waited for the bad guys to turn themselves in?  Or, what if your doctor told you just to wait until you felt better before you came in for a visit?
 
If you concentrate on the many, many times it is not acceptable to find yourself waiting; you will realize the importance and power of being proactive.  When you are in a proactive mindset, you will be far more likely to be actively engaged in the management of your own life and the direction it takes.
 
The next time you ask yourself what you are waiting for, the answer may very well be…you!
 
Remember that what is important to you is very rarely as important to someone else, just like the distracted driver, who apparently has nowhere to go and all the time in the world to get there.  Your purpose for being in the car takes a back seat if you don’t make it known, in an appropriate way, that you do have some place to go and you do not have all the time in the world to get there.

This article is part of Scott Arney's educational series, entitled The Serial Decision Maker.

Oblivion is My Enemy
I have yet to find a more direct route toward living a fulfilling and purposeful life than to make oblivion your enemy and to commit to learning as much as you can 

I have always been what I consider to be a deep thinker.  When I was young, my deep thoughts didn’t always lead me to logical conclusions or ensure that I could preserve order in my mind.  As I have gotten older, my deep thoughts still tend to swirl around a lot, but I have gotten a little better at identifying where those thoughts lead and figuring out what I can do with them.
 
To that end, I have come up with some tenets that are front and center in many of my thoughts and ideas. I use them as a foundation to build from so that I at least feel as though I am headed in the right direction as I continue my travels through life.  Three of them are relevant here.
 

• I try to never stop learning
• I work on understanding the world and the people around me
• I am aware of myself and how I fit in that world and with those people

 
Each of these foundational planks has a common enemy: Oblivion.
 
Every day you learn something, your life is richer and more purposeful.  You are exercising your brain and spending time doing something worthwhile even if what you learn doesn’t end up being all that useful down the road.  Learning is essential for forward progress in life and the process of learning is often as important as what you learn.
 
Oblivion, deliberate or otherwise, is the opposite of learning.  It requires no thought and demands no engagement and it can trick you into thinking that your life is satisfying.  Of course, when you do not have any expectations of yourself, goals to achieve, or people to get to know, you may feel satisfied because you probably will not experience much stress or worry.  All that has occurred, however, is that you have performed down to the lowest level of potential and fulfillment: Zero.
 
Developing an understanding of the world and people around you is an everyday challenge.  That understanding will constantly evolve as a result of the progression in your thoughts and of the changes in your perceptions as well as the events and circumstances taking place in the world around you.  Just like a commitment to learning every day, your efforts to understand people and society and all the complexities that comprise them will be an-going, never ending process.
 
Oblivion, on the other hand, will ensure that you have no interest in others or the world.  It will mandate that you stand in one place with no clue of what is happening nor interest in finding out.  Simple?  Yes.  You will fall short, however, on any scale that measures the value you have created for your environment or the contributions that you have made to others.
 
Self-awareness is essential for you to have a healthy perspective of who you are and what you stand for.  It is also an essential piece of your understanding of the world around you.  You cannot develop a thorough understanding of anything else without being fully aware of where you fit and where you can or cannot relate to the people, places, and events that surround your existence.
 
Life is infinitely easier to navigate when you know who you are.  That knowledge will help you to develop purpose and direction in your life.  It is much easier to know why you are here and where you are going if you are familiar and comfortable with the person who is asking those questions.
 
Oblivion prevents you from even considering who you are or how you may be perceived.  Purpose and drive have no place in oblivion.  Being oblivious is a cop out, but it doesn’t have to be a life sentence.
 
When you set lofty goals, especially ones that require non-stop attention and will most assuredly cause you to fail regularly, you are undoubtedly also signing up for a lot of work and time spent reflecting on your actions or lack thereof, analyzing information, revising your plans, and probably questioning every step you take along the way.
 
Your rewards, however, will be ample and I have yet to find a more direct route toward living a fulfilling and purposeful life than to make oblivion your enemy and to commit to learning as much as you can, understanding your environment, and determining who you are and where you are going.
 
​This article is part of Scott Arney's educational series, entitled The Serial Decision Maker.

Surround Yourself With Good People
Every single success story involves an entire network of people who joined together for a common cause

The most important step you can take toward ensuring that you maximize the quality of your life, next to having a strong self-awareness and being personally accountable, is to surround yourself with good people.
 
No one is better equipped to take care of you or take more responsibility for your actions than you are.  You are the person most responsible for the direction that your life will take.  It is too easy to let yourself believe that whatever is happening in your life has very little to do with you and is more a result of what others are doing or not doing. You have the power to choose the attitude with which you will live your life and the behavior you will demonstrate.
 
So, the question is, how do you make sure you don’t stray from that path of self-awareness and personal accountability?  The answer is simple.  You surround yourself with good people.
 
There are just as many people who believe that it is a sign of weakness to seek other people’s help and guidance, as there are who think that their lack of fulfillment is somebody else’s fault and none of these people are correct in their thinking.
 
Human beings are social creatures.  You are not meant to live as a loner.  You were born into a family.  Together, we live in neighborhoods and communities.  We go to school together and we go to work together.  Why then, would you try to go it alone in order to achieve success in your life? 
 
Every single success story involves an entire network of people who joined together for a common cause and even those who are recognized as the leaders of that particular cause or event became leaders with the support they received from others every step of the way.
 
Every one of you is a sum total of your own life experiences.  How you perceive yourself is due, in part, to how you have chosen to act and react to the happenings in your life.   Additionally, you have undoubtedly experienced difficult times, turmoil, and controversy.  Without good people around you to remind you that you can achieve your goals despite these occurrences, it is too easy to succumb to these negative influences.
 
Surrounding yourself with good people will not only help you to absorb the blows that life inevitably deals you, it will also help you to grow as a person at a more rapid rate.  Experiencing something new is one of the joys of life, but it can also be quite intimidating if you don’t have someone to talk to who has already experienced something similar.  New parents can learn a lot from their parents.  New employees can learn a lot from veteran employees.  A younger brother can learn from an older brother.
 
When something great happens, it is always more meaningful when you have people to share it with.  Their excitement for you only serves to deepen and enhance your experience.  When something bad happens, it is easier to get over it with the help of others.  During sad or difficult times, it always helps to be reminded of good things and good people.
 
Achieving individual success has its benefits, but achieving team success is so much more rewarding because so many more things and people had to come together in order to achieve that success.
 
It is one thing to understand this concept and agree with it, but you may have already discovered that finding good, successful people isn’t always the easiest thing to do.  The trick, then, is to develop skills that help you to identify these people.  Here are a few do’s and don’ts that I have learned along the way.
 
If you are fortunate to have a loving and caring family around you and/or a select group of trusted friends, start with them.  Nobody will know you better or be in a better position to support you.  Talk to them about how they have gone about building relationships with their own friends and family.  Reflect on your own experiences so that you can draw out the reasons you feel a closeness or an admiration for certain people in your life.  If you can zero in on the specific traits that you respect in others, you will be better able to look for those same traits when you meet new people going forward.
 
If you are typically someone who has not made it a point to collaborate with others or to seek out other options or opinions when you are making a decision, choose a subject matter that you are comfortable in discussing with a person or people and start a dialog.  All of you are capable of helping others whether you realize it or not and most of you appreciate being asked about your opinion so you may receive some valuable ideas from people you never counted on as confidants.
 
From there, try to broaden your horizons by attending events where you will meet new people.  One of the ways that you can ensure you grow as a person is to create new experiences for yourself, particularly ones that you can learn from or develop into additional opportunities.  Networking is not easy for most people so seek out an event where you are likely to have a common interest with other attendees, such as a local meeting of alumni from the college you attended.
 
Getting involved in a neighborhood or community project is another great way to meet people in an environment where you will be more likely to gain insight into someone’s character.  Project oriented work also creates an opportunity to share opinions and ideas with others, which will help you to gain valuable insight into people’s decision-making process.

You will have a much better chance of finding people that will be more likely and willing to help you if you first identify your own goals and then specifically seek out people who have achieved success in related areas.
 
Don’t just concentrate on the title or status held by someone.  It is much more important to find people who have truly experienced life and learned from their experiences along the way.  Many times, there is a direct correlation between a person’s status and their accomplishments, but focus first on the person’s accomplishments if you want to increase your chances of meeting someone with whom you will benefit from knowing.
 
Even if you think of yourself as a social, outgoing person, chances are there are some things that you could do to improve the breadth and depth of your personal network and your efforts to be collaborative for the purpose of expanding your ability to achieve goals and live a fuller life.
 
However you do it, make sure that you make it a point to surround yourself with good people whenever and wherever possible.  Whatever effort you put forth will be rewarded many times over in the value you will receive.
 
This article is part of Scott Arney's educational series, entitled The Serial Decision Maker.

Ready or Not

You are undoubtedly familiar with the original golden rule, “treat others as you would like them to treat you.”  I say original because the golden rule has been appropriately modified over the years to now read, “treat others as they would like to be treated.”
 
Treating others as they would like to be treated does make more sense than just applying your standards to everyone, but it is much more difficult to accomplish.  When you subscribe to that rule, you are dedicating yourself to getting to know each and every person that matters in your life, their strengths and weaknesses, preferences, values, and purposes.  That is no small undertaking.  The original golden rule only required you to know yourself, which is much easier to do by comparison.
 
When you aspire to be an effective leader, the challenge becomes even greater.  Not only do you need to treat everyone around you the way they would like to be treated, you also need to lead them in a way that helps them to develop and grow at a pace that is tailored to their individual abilities, personalities, and motivations.
 
The same is true in parenting.  Love your kids equally, of course.  Instill values and do the best that you can to give them the tools that they will need to grow into happy and engaged adults, you bet.  Raise them all the same, no way.
 
The adapted golden rule intertwines with the belief that we are all unique and that our greatest attribute is the ability to be true to ourselves, to figure out who we really are and then focus on being the best version of that person possible.  No two employees are exactly alike even if they are trained in the same atmosphere by the same people for the same role just like no two kids are exactly alike even if they grow up in the same household, listening to the same parents, who are espousing the same values and virtues.
 
As a leader, parent, or anyone responsible for teaching, developing, and mentoring others, you will be much more effective in your role if you are aware that you are surrounded by people who are individually unique, individually motivated, and following their own individual time lines.
 
What does all of this mean to you?  It means that fulfilling your role to the best of your ability is much more about being alert to when your employee, student, or child is ready to take the next step then it is about when you are ready for them to take that next step.

If you were to evaluate an employee’s readiness for promotion based on how long it took you to be ready for that same promotion when you were coming up through the ranks, you are doing that employee a disservice and ignoring that individual’s unique skillset and learning curve.
 
If you limit your parental decision making to what you were able to do or not do when you were growing up, you are also turning a blind eye to the changes that have taken place around you as you grew to adulthood and ignoring the many things that have evolved in our society during that time.
 
Time on the job is important.  Gaining experiences in life is only something that can happen with time, but career tenure or age cannot be the only factors that determine how capable a person is or how mature they are.
 
Many CEO’s spend years learning a business and working their way through good times and tough times in order to hone their skills enough to be qualified to lead an organization.  Many, but not all.  There are plenty of examples of leaders who had the requisite skills and confidence to lead a business with very little time on the job or even proof that they had the experience to be effective in the role.
 
The law states that a child becomes an adult when he or she reaches the age of 18.  I certainly know plenty of people who are considered an adult in age only. Conversely, there are absolutely people who are considered a minor because of their age but are mature and capable well beyond their years.
 
A strong leader is ready to lead regardless of circumstances or the skillset of his or her employees.
 
A dedicated parent is alert and ready to be there for their kids regardless of the time of day or night or the nature of the need.
 
Effective leaders and parents also know that their job is never really done and that it certainly does not stop when they think the employee they are developing or the child they are raising is ready for the next step.  One step evolves into the next and the objective for all of us should be to continue to learn and to challenge ourselves to improve upon what we know, add to our strengths, and continue to address our weaknesses.
 
Accepting that, if you do your job well as a leader or as a parent, you will continually help your employees and kids to grow and prosper, just don’t fool yourself into thinking that it will be accomplished entirely on your timetable.  In fact, if you really do your job well, your employees and/or your kids will be ready for more before you know it.
 
Will you be ready?

​This article is part of Scott Arney's educational series, entitled The Serial Decision Maker.

The Importance of Goals and Incentives

In case you haven’t noticed, most of the world surrounding you is moving toward or already using a goal oriented, incentive based system.  The reason is simple. It works.
 
Credit unions and banks often provide incentives in the form of reduced lending rates or increased savings rates to their members and customers for using more than one of their products or for using a specific service.  Credit card issuers reward you with airline miles, cash back, and a host of other gifts when you use their credit card to make your purchases.  Grocery stores discount certain items if you carry their check-cashing card.  Most employers have created a merit-based, incentive-laden environment that rewards employees for adapting behavior that is consistent with organizational goals.
 
For the most part, incentives are the rewards you receive for reaching your goals. In the same way that people are much more likely to achieve their goals if they are written and specific, businesses have found that they are likely to do more business with customers who are incented to do business with them.
 
Knowing how to establish your goals is the most essential aspect of developing any useful and relevant plan and there are several key ingredients of successful goal setting.
 
Understand the Purpose

When you set out to establish your own goals, you should begin the process by defining what you want to achieve and why you want to achieve it.  Understanding the purpose of your goals will help you develop a plan and to stick to it accordingly.
 
In fact, understanding the purpose of anything that you do will lead directly to increased personal awareness and perspective as well as the gratification you experience when you understand your role and how it relates to the world around you.  Remember that stress only comes from what you don’t know or cannot control.  If you understand your purpose and you follow the plan that you create to achieve a desired outcome through effective goal setting, you will absolutely reduce, if not eliminate stress in your life. 
 
Be Specific

Your goals should be specific and personalized to you and your individual need or aim. Being specific will ensure that your goals remain relevant during the time period they are in place.  Personalizing your goals will help you to stay motivated and engaged in your pursuit of achievement.  Relevancy and personal motivation cannot be underestimated in a world in which you continually face a host of new challenges and are subject to getting side-tracked, losing focus, or losing direction.  When something remains relevant to you, you are more likely to persevere and see things through to a positive conclusion.
 
Establish Measurements

Setting goals that are measurable will help you be able to determine whether or not you are successfully achieving your goals, whether they are short-term or long-term in nature.  Establishing measurements that are applicable at the onset, up through and including the completion of your goal, will help you to maintain your motivation and enthusiasm for achieving the goal.  In most cases, the more tangible and quantifiable your measurements are, the more helpful they will be.  Examples of useful measurements include, but are not limited to, numeric references, timelines and deadlines, and benchmarks.
 
Make them Attainable

Even if you successfully complete all of the other steps, you will waste your time if you do not ensure that your goals are attainable..  Setting attainable goals does not mean setting them so that they are easily achievable, rather that they are realistic and rooted in reality.  In determining the attainability of a goal, you should make sure that you would experience a sense of accomplishment if the goal were achieved.
 
Align Incentives Accordingly

Goals and incentives are further related in that they are both indicative of deliberate behavior associated with a specific plan and their value applies to any situation you will encounter.
 
You will increase your chance for success in any situation if your goal oriented behavior is properly lined up with incentives designed to encourage you and keep you focused on achievement and forward progress.  Just as businesses have found out that people respond positively and consistently to incentives, you will find that if you include your own meaningful and personal incentives in your planning and goal-setting, the whole process of achievement will be even more worthwhile and rewarding.
 
Just as is the case with the goals that you set for yourself, incentives must be understood and carry personal significance for you.  Once those elements are established, incentives can be as elaborate or as simple as you would like them to be as long as they are reflective of the achievement you have earned.
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You should never hesitate to celebrate your successes and reward yourself for your accomplishments no matter how small you feel they may be or what step along the way they represent.  Sometimes, the small celebrations are the most important because they help you to build momentum and develop better habits. They also invariably lead to bigger celebrations!
 
Positive recognition is always a part of any useful incentive, even if that recognition is something you only give to yourself.  Incentives can be monetary or non-monetary.  They can include a night out, time away, or extra time off of work.  They can be activity based or relaxation based.
 
Ideally, the amount of reward you earn from your pursuits in life is equal to the amount of effort you put toward those same pursuits.  The simple act of setting goals and determining incentives will set the course for anyone to live their life in that manner.
 
When you take the time to regularly set personal goals and balance them with worthwhile rewards, you take a big step toward creating more opportunities and greater freedom of choice.  It is the type of freedom only felt by those that have taken command of their life by creating and following their own plans and making their own decisions.

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​This article is part of Scott Arney's educational series, entitled The Serial Decision Maker.

Being There
When you reflect on the best and/or the most impactful times of your life, think about who you were there for and who was there for you. 
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Many years ago, when I was an undergraduate college student enjoying the heck out of my junior year, I was fortunate to be part of something that I will remember, with pride, forever.
 
In my college days, I was a member of a fraternity.  We weren’t the biggest house on campus, and we were not considered a particularly talented group of guys when it came to academics or athletics.  We were, however, a pretty close-knit crew.  This is still the case all these years later as I consider several of my fraternity brothers as my best friends to this day.
 
We were close-knit in the sense that we hung out with each other, stuck up for each other, and generally exhibited the best traits that you associate with being part of a group of people united by common interests and an appreciation for the time and the place and a cause, in this case our fraternity.
 
At the beginning of my junior year, we were talking about goals and things that we could do to make that year particularly memorable.  As part of that discussion, we talked about what it would take to win the intramural fraternity sports championship, which was a year-long competition involving every sport offered.  This would be no small task, given the shortcomings of our overall size and lack of athletic abilities, and the fact that, as far as we knew, our house had never been crowned as sports champions in our long history on campus.
 
The more we thought about it, however, the more apparent it became that if we committed to participate in every sport, regardless of our skill set or how well we would do in each individual or team competition, we would earn points for showing up and representing our house.   We figured that if we made it a point to field individual and teams in every sport throughout the year, we would gain an advantage over every other house. 
 
That quickly became the mission and it took every single member of our house to commit to it.  We mapped out every sport and when it was offered.  We sought and obtained buy-in from everyone and then we drew up the rosters for each team sport and, where possible, fielded multiple teams for each of those sports.  We filled the maximum number of slots we were allowed for each individual sport.
 
We posted reminders for upcoming games and the results from every contest as well as the standings for overall points earned amongst all the fraternities on campus, of which there were thirty-three.
 
We also made sure that we had fans at every event, our own fraternity brothers and anyone else who was interested and available.  Sometimes, we did very well and sometimes we were routed.  Sometimes, the results were disappointing because we expected to do better and sometimes, we exceeded our expectations.
 
For my part, let’s just say that I was known more for my effort and mental fortitude than for my athleticism, which was and still is essentially non-existent.  I did play every single team sport that year and I did successfully return to competitive swimming for the first time since I had double shoulder surgery at the end of my sophomore year in high school.  I also was humiliated on the racquetball court and trounced in a few other events that I am trying to forget.
 
We had a lot of fun.  The house was probably closer that year than had ever been the case previously.  Everybody did his part, and in the end, we did it!  We won the fraternity intramural championship, purely by being more committed to the goal and outhustling every other house in the process.
 
Before you think that I am writing about this purely to the relive the glory days of college, let me get to the point.  Despite the challenges and the unprecedented nature of the objective, we prevailed.  Despite a lack of talent, we came out on top.  We won because we were committed to being there.  We committed to the goal.  We committed to the work that it took to achieve the goal.  We committed to each other.
 
The bottom line is that being there is more important than just about anything else you can ever do.
 
At its foundation, being there is the first fundamental step.  You cannot progress through school without being there on a regular basis.  You cannot advance in your career without showing up for work.  It would be impossible to be an effective parent if you never spent time with your children.
 
Despite all of this, the importance of being there is often dismissed.  In recent years, thanking someone for being there has been equated to rewarding them just for showing up.  Let me be clear on this.  There is a big difference between handing out a trophy to every participant simply for being physically present and the rewards that you earn when you are a committed, unconditional, active participant toward the achievement of your goals and those of your teammates, co-workers, and family.
 
You cannot be a good student if you don’t go to school.  Over the years, and especially now, school has been more broadly defined.  Even in the broadest definition of school and what that definition is to you, success as a student is predicated on the participation and commitment of that student.
 
You cannot be an effective leader if you do not spend time with your co-workers every day.  It is impossible to get to know anyone without spending time with them, asking them questions, observing their strengths, and seeking ways to put them in a position to succeed.  You may not always make the right decision, but you have a much better chance for doing so when you spend time with your team.
 
When it comes to parenting, it is even more important to be there.  In all my experiences and adventures, I have never been more humbled than I have been as a father.  At one time or another, I have second-guessed almost every decision I have ever made.  Whatever pre-conceived notions I had entering parenthood have, at a minimum, been challenged.  Things that I thought I knew with absolute certainty have become uncertain in my mind. 
 
Sometimes, the only absolute thing that I have going for me as a parent is my knowledge that I have been there for my kids.  I have been there every step of the way and they have never had to question whether I was interested in them, or if I cared about them, or if I wanted to be involved in their lives.  I’ve been there.  It means everything to me, and I know that it means a lot to them as well.
 
When you reflect on the best and/or the most impactful times of your life, think about who you were there for and who was there for you.  The most meaningful relationships you have are always forged during these times and they form the basis for what endures in your memory.
 
You may not remember a specific test that you aced, but you will likely remember who helped you study for it.  You may not remember the details of a business plan or strategy session, but you will remember who was on the team that helped you achieve the goals that you set.
 
Being there isn’t the only step necessary to take if you want to find purpose and meaning in your life, but it is the most important one and it is not out of reach for anyone. 
 
Everyone is capable of being there.

​The Company You Keep
Every single success story involves an entire network of people who joined together for a common cause

The most important step you can take toward ensuring that you maximize the quality of your life, next to having a strong self-awareness and being personally accountable, is to surround yourself with good people.
 
No one is better equipped to take care of you or take more responsibility for your actions than you are.  You are the person most responsible for the direction that your life will take.  It is too easy to let yourself believe that whatever is happening in your life has very little to do with you and is more a result of what others are doing or not doing. You have the power to choose the attitude with which you will live your life and the behavior you will demonstrate.
 
So, the question is, how do you make sure you don’t stray from that path of self-awareness and personal accountability?  The answer is simple.  You surround yourself with good people.
 
There are just as many people who believe that it is a sign of weakness to seek other people’s help and guidance, as there are who think that their lack of fulfillment is somebody else’s fault and none of these people are correct in their thinking.
 
Human beings are social creatures.  You are not meant to live as a loner.  You were born into a family.  Together, we live in neighborhoods and communities.  We go to school together and we go to work together.  Why then, would you try to go it alone in order to achieve success in your life? 
 
Every single success story involves an entire network of people who joined together for a common cause and even those who are recognized as the leaders of that particular cause or event became leaders with the support they received from others every step of the way.
 
Every one of you is a sum total of your own life experiences.  How you perceive yourself is due, in part, to how you have chosen to act and react to the happenings in your life.   Additionally, you have undoubtedly experienced difficult times, turmoil, and controversy.  Without good people around you to remind you that you can achieve your goals despite these occurrences, it is too easy to succumb to these negative influences.
 
Surrounding yourself with good people will not only help you to absorb the blows that life inevitably deals you, it will also help you to grow as a person at a more rapid rate.  Experiencing something new is one of the joys of life, but it can also be quite intimidating if you don’t have someone to talk to who has already experienced something similar.  New parents can learn a lot from their parents.  New employees can learn a lot from veteran employees.  A younger brother can learn from an older brother.
 
When something great happens, it is always more meaningful when you have people to share it with.  Their excitement for you only serves to deepen and enhance your experience.  When something bad happens, it is easier to get over it with the help of others.  During sad or difficult times, it always helps to be reminded of good things and good people.
 
Achieving individual success has its benefits, but achieving team success is so much more rewarding because so many more things and people had to come together in order to achieve that success.
 
It is one thing to understand this concept and agree with it, but you may have already discovered that finding good, successful people isn’t always the easiest thing to do.  The trick, then, is to develop skills that help you to identify these people.  Here are a few do’s and don’ts that I have learned along the way.
 
If you are fortunate to have a loving and caring family around you and/or a select group of trusted friends, start with them.  Nobody will know you better or be in a better position to support you.  Talk to them about how they have gone about building relationships with their own friends and family.  Reflect on your own experiences so that you can draw out the reasons you feel a closeness or an admiration for certain people in your life.  If you can zero in on the specific traits that you respect in others, you will be better able to look for those same traits when you meet new people going forward.
 
If you are typically someone who has not made it a point to collaborate with others or to seek out other options or opinions when you are making a decision, choose a subject matter that you are comfortable in discussing with a person or people and start a dialog.  All of you are capable of helping others whether you realize it or not and most of you appreciate being asked about your opinion so you may receive some valuable ideas from people you never counted on as confidants.
 
From there, try to broaden your horizons by attending events where you will meet new people.  One of the ways that you can ensure you grow as a person is to create new experiences for yourself, particularly ones that you can learn from or develop into additional opportunities.  Networking is not easy for most people so seek out an event where you are likely to have a common interest with other attendees, such as a local meeting of alumni from the college you attended.
 
Getting involved in a neighborhood or community project is another great way to meet people in an environment where you will be more likely to gain insight into someone’s character.  Project oriented work also creates an opportunity to share opinions and ideas with others, which will help you to gain valuable insight into people’s decision-making process.
 
Don’t assign too high of an importance to individuals who have only achieved material success.  This is not to say that you won’t find strong mentors amongst people who have achieved fame and fortune, but the skills that many of these people have developed in order to achieve this type of success are self-serving.
You will have a much better chance of finding people that will be more likely and willing to help you if you first identify your own goals and then specifically seek out people who have achieved success in related areas.
 
Don’t just concentrate on the title or status held by someone.  It is much more important to find people who have truly experienced life and learned from their experiences along the way.  Many times, there is a direct correlation between a person’s status and their accomplishments, but focus first on the person’s accomplishments if you want to increase your chances of meeting someone with whom you will benefit from knowing.
 
Even if you think of yourself as a social, outgoing person, chances are there are some things that you could do to improve the breadth and depth of your personal network and your efforts to be collaborative for the purpose of expanding your ability to achieve goals and live a fuller life.
 
However you do it, make sure that you make it a point to surround yourself with good people whenever and wherever possible.  Whatever effort you put forth will be rewarded many times over in the value you will receive.
 
This article is part of Scott Arney's educational series, entitled The Serial Decision Maker.

​Be True to You
The only way to truly be unique in this world is to be you and then to allow that to be the case no matter what without exception.
 
Questions, always so many questions.  The questions that are on my mind today revolve around the importance of being yourself and how much of yourself you should make known to those who are counting on you to be there for them.
 
You have undoubtedly been advised to be yourself or to be true to yourself on multiple occasions throughout your life.  Generally good advice to follow, but often also used as a panacea for all situations even though there may very well be valid reasons for you to conceal at least a part of who you are and what you might be thinking.
 
Being yourself isn’t as easy as it may sound, especially if you are in a position of leadership.  One reason is that when you allow people to see you for who you really are, you put yourself in a vulnerable position.  When you reveal personal thoughts and share your experiences, you run the risk of being subject to additional criticism and disappointment, and of not living up to vaulted expectations or inflated opinions. 
 
With these thoughts in mind, when you are in a situation where people are counting on you for insight, advice, and guidance; are you more credible if you reveal less of your personal nature and maintain more of the perception of your strength as a decision maker?  I think it depends on how you can best relate to those people.
 
A big part of effective leadership, perhaps THE biggest, is that leader’s ability to relate to those he or she is called upon to lead.  Relatability underscores every other action you take as a leader. 
 
When you communicate, your message must be understood by and applicable to your audience if you are going to achieve the objective you set when you drafted your message. When you make a decision that impacts your team, you must be able to demonstrate that your decision incorporates their best interest.  When it is time to listen, which is most of the time, you must be able to take action and/or respond in a way that lets your employee or team member know that you understood what they were telling you.
 
What about when it comes to parenting?  While there isn’t a business aspect to parenting, at least as it is defined in the traditional sense; relatability is still a core issue if you are going to be effective in your parental role.  What is the best way to relate to your children?  Are you more effective as the authority figure who creates distinct boundaries and consequences for actions that overstep those boundaries?
 
Relatability is key.  How you best achieve it is the question.  Do you emphasize the business and professional aspects of your experiences or the personal aspects of your decision making to illustrate that relatability? 
 
In order to be relatable, you must first be able to effectively evaluate the needs of the people you need to relate to.  Does this sound counterintuitive to you, if the theme is to be true to yourself?  Let’s see if we can tie it all together.
 
Everyone has their own perception of what a leader means to them and what it takes to be considered one.  Your job, in your vocation or at home, is to figure out what your team or your child requires and then to provide them with exactly that in a way that is true to who you are and what you are capable of.  Your job is not to be the leader they think you are or to live up to whatever perception your team or children have of you, even if you deflate a few opinions in the process.
 
I believe that most of us want to relate.  We want to share experiences with others and develop meaningful relationships, but sometimes concerns over how we should act, what we should say, and what other people are going to think get in the way of those experiences being shared and those relationships developing to the fullest extent possible.
 
Being yourself does not mean that you must go around sharing every personal thought you’ve had, or every embarrassing moment you’ve experienced, or every secret you keep.  It means being comfortable enough with who you are and understanding what your team, or your friends, or your children need from you and then being true enough to do what needs to be done or say what needs to be said.
 
Even if you are not naturally a funny person, your true self can deliver a funny line if your ability to relate to someone is counting on it and you don’t spend time trying to guess if it will be funny enough or as funny as what someone else who is more humorous might have said.
 
Even if you don’t consider yourself a strict parent, your true self can ensure that a consequence is in place to help govern the actions of your children.
 
If you are generally a rule follower, your true self can help you identify what rule might be okay to bend if the situation calls for it.
 
If you tend not to take the world too seriously, your true self can also give you the courage to be very serious and direct if someone you care about needs your undivided attention.
 
The point is that we are not built as absolutes.  None of us are absolutely one way, or the other, every minute of our lives.  We are flawed.  We sometimes contradict ourselves.  We are emotional.  We can have the best intentions and get misled.  We sometimes do the right thing for the wrong reason and the wrong thing for the right reason.
 
For all these reasons, we want to relate to each other.  We want to understand others and what makes them tick.  We want to know that we are not alone.  We want to be reassured and comforted.
 
When relating to others becomes the focus, you see yourself in others and you allow your true self to take over.  When you take the time to understand what your co-worker, your child, or your neighbor needs from you; your true self is capable of taking over and delivering in the clutch.
 
If you are a leader and/or a parent, your desire to relate is a mirror reflection of what your team member or child is seeking from you.  By being who you are, you are giving them what they need.
 
Being someone else or constantly trying to live up to other people’s perceptions of who you are is exhausting and it does not work in the long run.  The only way to truly be unique in this world is to be you and then to allow that to be the case no matter what without exception.
 
Be vulnerable.  Be caring.  Be humane.  Be intense.  Be engaged. 
 
Relate and be true to you.

Cicadas
The only real failure in life is your failure to try
​
Talk about making your moment count.
 
For those of you not familiar with cicadas, let me provide you with a brief introduction.
 
A cicada is an insect.  There are many different types of cicadas, and they can be found pretty much throughout the world.  One type of cicada, in particular, can live up to 17 years!
 
You may be thinking that a 17-year life span in the insect world is unique. It is, but there is a big catch.  All, but a few weeks of their life span, is spent in the ground in a protective shell.
 
These cicadas are born, typically on tree stems and twigs.  They find their way to the ground and immediately burrow deep into the ground where they feed on the liquid in plant roots.  They then form a protective shell and remain in a dormant state for 17 years.  In that seventeenth year, when the ground has sufficiently thawed, they emerge and shed their shell.
 
Once they are back on the surface and free of the ground and their shell, their sole focus is to find and attract a mate and then procreate.  Soon after their mission is accomplished, they die.
 
These cicadas spend their entire lives preparing for one moment and, shortly after that moment occurs, their life is over.
 
As tragic as that may sound, let’s consider the cicadas that wait it out underground for all that time and successfully emerge into the above ground world only to be eaten by a bird before they are able to enjoy their moment and fulfill the sole purpose of their long, long wait.
 
Fortunately, our lives are structured a little differently and the opportunities to experience special moments are typically abundant and varied.  The key word being opportunities.  In other words, experiencing significant moments and fulfilling the related purposes isn’t promised to anyone.
 
A 17-year cicada literally waits its entire life for one moment that may never happen, but every aspect of its existence is designed to experience that moment and extend the life of the species for another generation.  That cicada has no way of knowing whether all of that time underground will be worth the wait or if it will ever feel the liberation of shedding its shell and spreading its wings.
 
We, on the other hand, have daily opportunities to seize the moment, experience great joy, and accomplish something of significance.  The question is whether we are prepared when that moment arrives or if we are even thinking about those opportunities in the first place.
 
Cicadas have one purpose and one shot to fulfill that purpose.  They are ready for that purpose no matter what the outcome.
 
We have multiple purposes and typically many chances to realize our potential, but how many of us are ready when our moment arrives and how many of us realize our full potential on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis?
 
What do you think you would be capable of accomplishing if you were somehow able to develop that type of singular purpose and dedication to a cause of your choice?  The fact that we are developed beings with a brain, emotions, and the ability to reason is both a blessing and a curse in this case.
 
Cicadas have no brain, no emotion, and the power to choose doesn’t exist for them.  They are simply beings created for one purpose and that purpose is innate within every individual cicada.  These facts actually make their task simpler.
 
Our brains and the emotions we experience are generally what separate us from other animals…and opposable thumbs.  But, in the case of focus and purposeful action, they can get in our way.  Cicadas cannot overthink their sole purpose nor can they worry about what may happen if they fail.
 
Our objective, then, is to use our power of choice wisely, identify our priorities, and then set just as purposeful of a course toward the realization of our goal as the cicadas do.
 
One of the many great things about life is that there is never a shortage of choices and worthwhile endeavors to focus on.  When you find your cause, priority, or goal, your job is to deliberate, but not to over-deliberate.  Then, channel your emotion in a manner that is supportive of your effort and goal, not to undermine your decision-making process and cause doubt. 
 
When you do those things, you’ll be on your way to fulfilling your purpose(s) and if you ever feel your determination waning, think about those cicadas and carry on!
 
The only real failure in life is your failure to try.

Direction versus Destination
Your direction is more important than your destination 

Knowing which way you are headed is far more important than knowing where you will end up and the journey is often more valuable than the destination to which it leads.
 
How many times have you heard someone say some variation of the following, “I just don’t know what I should do for a career, or what I should choose for a major, or what my next move should be?”
 
That statement almost always leads to inactivity or, at a minimum; it creates a reason for that person to not actively work towards a defined goal or objective.  “How can I work toward something if I don’t even know what that something is?”
 
The answer is to not place so much emphasis on the end result.  It is always important to set goals and then to work hard to achieve them, but the absence of a specifically defined end result should not absolve you from taking any action at all.
 
There are many factors that can line up against you when you are contemplating the many things in your life that require a long term plan.  Sometimes it is the number of variables that may or may not occur. Sometimes it is the length of time involved before you would reach a longer term goal.  Whatever your factors are, it can be a daunting task to go through the process of trying to connect all of the dots that represent the checkpoints of your life.
 
Even if you find long range planning and goal setting to be a challenge, daily forward progress must still be an essential aspect of your routine and you can achieve it without necessarily knowing exactly where it leads you.  As an example, you can learn more about your current job and become more knowledgeable in that role without knowing if it is the job that you would like to have for the rest of your working career.
 
Eating right and exercising regularly will always be a step in the right direction even if you do not have a specific weight loss or training related goal.  Donating your time or money to a worthwhile charity is a great gesture even if you do not ultimately stay involved with that charity.
 
If you are actively engaged in moving forward, you will find that you create more opportunities for growth and personal expansion even if you haven’t determined your ultimate destination or a more specific purpose. 
 
Conversely, allowing yourself to stagnate in your job because you haven’t decided if you are going to make a career out of it is a disservice to your company as well as yourself. When you don’t move forward, the organization you work for will also suffer from your inactivity.
 
Setting a direction is also easier than determining a destination.  In many ways, direction and destination also represent the difference between the short term and the long term.  For most of us, the short term is much easier to see and define. As an example, I may not know where I would like to be in five years, but I know that I need to get that report done today. 
 
Short term progress is often times easier to measure and see than long term progress. One huge exception to this is parenting. Short term progress is often impossible to see when you are raising your children, and many times, you may have to wait until your children are young adults before you can clearly see that your work has paid off.
 
Even in that example, however, the parents have made good parenting a matter of personal importance and they are committed to that direction well before they know how well their decisions and parenting style will play out.
 
This is also an example of the value of the journey.  If, as a parent, you only ever think about and focus on the day your child leaves for college, you are going to miss an awful lot of memories along the way. While the end result represents what you mutually work toward, the milestones and achievements you reach along the way create a lifetime of memories.  The joy of that time together and the experiences that you enjoy with your children along the way are what form the bond and the basis for your relationship going forward.
 
Getting that promotion at work is great, but it is the work that you do along the way that really helps you to advance as a person and round you out as an employee.
 
Life is full of uncertainty and it is easy to convince yourself that many things are beyond your influence or control.  When you set a forward direction, however, you gain the kind of peace of mind that is only known to those who are following their own plan.  When you take the added step of tracking results and paying attention to your own personal journey, you virtually assure yourself of gaining value and insight that would not be possible to understand were you to only focus on your destination. 
 
When you prioritize your direction, you will create an opportunity to be more aware of the power of your own decision making and the results that you can achieve as a direct result of those decisions.
 
Just remember that you can take a step in the right direction without exactly knowing where you are headed, but it is nearly impossible to achieve a desired result without having any idea of the steps that you took to get there.
 
This article is part of Scott Arney's educational series, entitled The Serial Decision Maker.