Mindset
When you have the right mindset, you form the foundation for good decision-making

Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right.
 
I don’t know who first said those words, but I grew up hearing them and I don’t remember a time when I was not aware of the meaning of that statement.  In fact, the older I get, the more meaningful this statement becomes.
 
So much of what you accomplish in life is only possible when you first believe you can accomplish it.  Said another way, so much of what goes unfulfilled in life is a result of a lack of belief in yourself and what might be possible should you be willing to try.
 
I have met many people who I thought had a ton of potential and that much of it was untapped.  I have also met a lot people who I felt were unique and as I got to know them better became even more convinced that they were capable of achieving at a level beyond where they were currently at in their life.  In these instances, it was my belief that the common thread was a fear of failure.
 
Fear of failure is a topic in itself for another time, but for the purposes of this example, let’s just say that it is a trait that is unique among humans.  For some reason, many more people than not tend to focus on what they cannot do versus what they can.  Worse, many people who think they cannot do something only think that is the case because they have never actually tried to do whatever it is they think they can’t do.
 
This thought process is akin to the one that you may use when determining what foods you don’t like.  In most cases, you may only think you don’t like something, but you have never actually tried it.
 
If you are one of these people, try this exercise.  Instead of thinking about what you cannot or have not done, focus on what you can do and have done.  Give yourself an opportunity to build some momentum toward the development of a positive mindset.  For example, at the end of a busy day, think about what you crossed off of your to-do list instead of the things that you just couldn’t get to.
 
There is nothing wrong with looking back on each day in order to evaluate what went right and what went wrong, but if you give yourself some credit for what you accomplished versus just kicking yourself for what you didn’t do, you may find that you eventually will empower yourself to start feeling better about what you are doing and to think about what else might be possible.
 
Another common element that can detract from a healthy and positive mindset is the concept of your comfort zone.  Your comfort zone is whatever circle you draw around yourself at any given time that allows you to feel safe and relaxed.  You need comfort in your life and there are definitely times when it is healthy to allow yourself to feel protected and warm and to enjoy the peace of mind that comes with those feelings.
 
You do not need as much comfort as you might think, however, and in that sense the importance of comfort is a bit over rated.  If you think about the greatest, most exciting times in your life, comfort is not likely to be one of the first thoughts those memories invoke.  In fact, those exciting times were likely only possible because you stepped out of your comfort zone.  You gave yourself the opportunity to learn something new or experience something totally different and outside of your routine.
 
Providing comfort to others is noble.  Seeking comfort from others, especially when times are tough, is necessary.  Retreating to your favorite chair or putting on your softest slippers at the end of a hard day is an essential luxury.
 
However, allowing your comfort zone to enable you to stand pat, to not venture into the unknown at least a little bit, or to somehow make it okay to not apply yourself toward worthwhile challenges is completely unacceptable.
 
Do you find that you approach new situations, such as a get together with a new neighbor or the start of a new class, with dread or that you concentrate on all of the things that could go wrong?  If so, recognize what you are doing.  While it may be easy to talk yourself out of attending one function or to put off taking that next class, making a habit of doing so will only lead to a very small and constantly diminishing comfort zone.
 
When you try something new, especially if it involves putting yourself out there for others to see, something will likely go wrong.  If, however, your mindset is positive and you choose to concentrate on the side of your mental ledger that keeps track of what goes right and what is gained, the things that don’t go so well won’t be nearly as important to you as they once were.
 
There is always room for improvement in just about everything that you do, but improvement isn’t possible unless you are out there doing something to begin with.  If you strive to improve as opposed to letting the thought that your endeavor won’t be perfect stop you from trying, you are moving forward with purpose and toward fulfillment and achievement.
 
When you take the steps that are necessary for you to develop a healthy and positive mindset, you also send a strong signal to those around you that you are confident and that you are dealing from a position of strength.  You indicate that you are someone who is interested in taking an active role in determining the outcome of situations with which you are involved.
 
When you have the right mindset, you form the foundation for good decision-making.  Once you make good decisions on a consistent basis, anything is possible!

This article is part of Scott Arney's educational series, entitled The Serial Decision Maker.

The Piano Concert

I have two sons that started taking piano lessons at the same time.  They have taken all of their lessons together and have received the same amount of instruction.  They have progressed to the same level of skill and they have both become accomplished musicians in their own right.

My boys are as tight as brothers can be and, in many ways, are both complementary and supplemental to each other.  They have their own unique personalities, but their similarities and their differences somehow always meet at just the right spot.

My oldest son experiences some butterflies in his gut during the day leading up to a performance, but he is otherwise very comfortable performing in front of others and he never lets those butterflies cause him any anxiety.

His brother, on the other hand, virtually turns inside out at the thought of performing in front of others.  He experiences dread and anxiety in the days, and even weeks, leading up to a performance.  His fears have even caused him to contemplate giving up the piano even though he greatly enjoys playing and does so very well when he is not worrying about an audience.

Every six months, they get to demonstrate what they have learned and recently, my youngest son was tapped to close the show.  This is a highly coveted spot and he was understandably honored to be asked, especially since his older brother had already done it twice.  As much as he was honored, however, the pressure of being the last performer only served to heighten his anxiety.  Whatever difficulties he had faced in the past paled in comparison to what he was now experiencing.

Everyone in our family was nervous, not because we didn't think he could do it, but because we knew what he was going through and how nervous he was.  No one was more aware of this than his older brother.

The order of the performers that night was such that our oldest son played about 4 spots in front of our youngest son.  When his time came, he calmly introduced himself and his song and proceeded to perform beautifully.  I was watching from the back of the gym and I was fortunate to have a clear view of the stage as well as where the performers were sitting.

When my oldest son finished his song, I noticed that he walked straight toward his brother instead of taking his seat several chairs away.  He quietly bent down to talk to him and briefly whispered something to him.  I was too far away to hear him and my curiosity was immediately piqued.

When it was finally our youngest son's turn, he stood up, walked to the piano, announced who he was and what song he would be playing and sat down at the piano.  I didn't notice if he did anything any differently or not, but I did notice that he played his song beautifully and movingly and I could not have been more proud.

Because his was the last song, I was able to talk to my boys right away.  I found my oldest son and asked him what he had said to his brother and he proceeded to tell me that he told him if he shifted his shoulders just a little to the right, he would not even be able to see the audience.  He knew this would help his brother concentrate on the music and forget about the audience and he had the foresight, even while performing his own song, to note this and share it with him.  He gave him just enough of a diversion to help him get through his performance and play his song to the best of his ability.   My younger son confirmed that his brother's tip gave him the confidence to face his fear and perform.

As a parent, I was proud of my sons for the job that they did.  I was even more proud of their demonstration of brotherhood and friendship.  What I haven't shared is that the song our youngest son had chosen was "Fix You" by Coldplay.  Chris Martin had written that song for his wife when she lost her mother.  The reason why our son chose that song was because he wanted to play it for his mom.  You see, her mother had recently passed away and our son wanted to do what he could to make his mom feel better and to honor his grandmother.

When you find a way to face and conquer your own fears, you just might give someone a beautiful gift in the process.  You might make a significant impact beyond the already valuable step of opening new doors for yourself.

In this case, ignoring the audience by making a slight adjustment proved to be very valuable in the development of a skill set and the ability to overcome a very real and potentially destructive fear.  
​
These small steps or adjustments are exactly the moves that you need to make on your path of self- improvement.  Rarely is there one thing that you can do that instantaneously erases your fears, doubts, or worries, but if you take the time to understand the root cause of those fears and worries and then identify steps that you can take to address them, you will eventually push past them and they will no longer present themselves as the obstacles they have previously been to you.

This article is part of Scott Arney's educational series, entitled The Serial Decision Maker.

Memories
Your experiences and the memories you create from them ensure that your past has been worthwhile, your present is fully appreciated, and your future is full of promise 
 
Dean Martin sang about them and Bob Hope thanked us for them.  We all have them, but what creates memories and why is it important to accumulate as many of them as possible?
 
I have no idea if my own personal categorization of memories has any metaphysical significance, I just know that I tend to sort my memories in one of two ways.  Mine are either born out of tradition and, therefore, some form of repetition or they are created out of singular significance.  I will do my best to explain.
 
What I will refer to as the traditional or cumulative memories are the ones that are created by multiple experiences over an extended period of time.  For me anyway, these tend to be my most treasured with a few exceptions sprinkled in on occasion.
 
I have a host of great memories from the many dinners we have shared together as a family over the years.  Most of those dinners were enjoyed around our kitchen table.  I may not be able to tell you about one specific dinner or what meal we were enjoying at the time, but I remember the laughs and the discussions and the feeling I had during those times as if I was enjoying them all over again right now.
 
I have been fortunate to thoroughly enjoy my work, especially my time at the credit union.  I have many fond memories from this time, but I tend to think most about the accumulation of the strategies, the people, the decisions, and the results as a whole, than I do about one particular event or situation.
 
I think of my childhood and my high school and college years in much the same way, especially as I get older. Some of the specific memories have started to get a little fuzzy, but the general way in which I remember those times prevails. 
 
These are the types of cumulative memories that I am talking about.  There are also the singularly significant as well.
 
The first time I met my wife, the moment each of my kids were born, and my first day on the job at the credit union are all great examples of singularly significant memories.  They are wonderful and they stand out for reasons that are probably obvious.
 
By the way, I also clearly remember my first black eye, the time I didn’t make the basketball team, and the day my grandmother died.  Not pleasant memories, to be sure, but equally as important as the positive ones because they all have contributed to who I am, how I think, and the decisions I make.
 
All of these types of memories are important.  I do not mean to suggest that the cumulative kind are more important than the singularly significant.  I do believe, however, that there is something to be said for the number of memories you accumulate and that the more of them you accumulate, the fuller and richer your life becomes.
 
The human mind and the virtually infinite database it represents is unrivaled and unmatched on this earth or any other.  Much of that capacity goes to waste, however, if it isn’t filled with experiences that are indicative of a life well lived.
 
What constitutes living is up to you to decide, but I would suggest that if you are creating memories worth recording from experiences worth noting, you are well on your way to living a life well lived.
 
If you buy that thought, let me share this one.  A cumulative memory is one that is developed over time and repeated, meaning that if you are enjoying those types of memories, you have found an experience worth seeking again and you have some ability to replicate it.
 
By definition, a singularly significant memory does not come around too often and if you were to spend your time waiting or hoping for one, you might end up a little disappointed.  Additionally, you might be doing something wrong if you experience singularly significant bad memories over and over again.
 
That black eye that I mentioned, I was in kindergarten when I received it.  I remember the girl who gave it to me and you can bet that I made sure I never did anything again to invoke her to punch me in the eye.  In other words, I learned from that experience and I made sure I never made that mistake again.  To be clear, I picked up a few more black eyes as I got older, but never for the same reason or from the same person.
 
I guess what I am trying to convey is that your definition of your life, whether you define it right now or much later, will always be based on the experiences and memories that you have accumulated.  At that moment, when you look back and assess what you have done and what you have been about to that point, I think that you will want that definition to be as rich and colorful as possible.  I don’t think that you should expect your experiences or memories to be devoid of the bad times and events, but I do think that you will want the peace of mind that comes with knowing that you learned from your mistakes and that you grew as a person during times of adversity.
 
In order to have all of that at your point of reflection, you will need to have maximized your cumulative memories to the fullest, absorbed and basked in the singularly significant positive memories, and persevered through the not so pleasant times.
 
Memories and learning go hand in hand.  You learn from your memories and you cannot create memories without a willingness to learn.  The more you can successfully fill your internal database with useful experiences and knowledge, the closer your database will be to capacity and the closer you will be to living your life to its fullest potential.
 
Your experiences and the memories you create from them ensure that your past has been worthwhile, your present is fully appreciated for the opportunity it affords you, and your future is full of promise and new adventures.
 
 This article is part of Scott Arney's educational series, entitled The Serial Decision Maker.

My List of Lists

And now for something really original…a list of lists!  Just when you thought you had seen or heard of every list imaginable and received every bit of advice you could from lists and the people who construct them, I’ve got one more for you.
 
I am a big believer in lists.  I use them as memory tools, especially as I get older.  I use them to help keep me organized.  I use them to keep my priorities straight.
 
I thought it might be fun to list my favorites.  You get to decide if it was fun to read through them.  Here are my top ten in no particular order.
 
To Do List
This is arguably the best-known list of all time and for good reason.  I prefer to construct one daily.  For really busy days, I will draw one up the night before so that I give myself a chance to sleep a little better knowing that I at least have a handle on what I need to do when I wake up.  
 
The value of a to do list is virtually limitless because you can apply it to your work or at home.  It can be as detailed as you like or just cover the highlights.  Besides the more obvious benefits, such as the organization and structure that a well written to do list can add to your day, it can assist you in other ways as well.
 
I always feel a sense of accomplishment when I complete something on my to do list and, as I am fond of saying, there are few joys greater in life than crossing something off of your to do list.
 
Yet To Do List
This is more commonly known as a bucket list, but I think that sounds kind of morbid and I try not to be a cliché guy.
 
This is a broader list and probably one that you do not add to or delete from very often.  I love this list because it often forms the basis for happy thoughts and grand dreams. I like to remind myself that there are always sights to see, people to meet, and new things to experience, and this list is a great reminder of those things.
 
Grocery List
Believe it or not, I enjoy grocery shopping.  I generally do the grocery shopping for our family and this list helps me to be efficient and, to a certain extent, contain cost.
 
When I shop for our family, I try to do so once a week.  That means the pressure is on for me to remember everything for all meals for the next several days.  My enjoyment would evaporate quickly if I was stressed about the task. My grocery list keeps me on point, so I remember what we need, and I am not as tempted to stray from the list and buy a bunch of things we don’t need.
 
If you are not a big grocery shopper, then you can adapt this list for your own shopping habits.  Maybe you are a big do-it-yourself weekend warrior and you spend a lot of time at your local hardware store.  If so, a list like this is going to come in handy.
 
If you’ve read this far, you might be thinking that my list of lists is pretty mundane.  Please keep reading.
 
List of Accomplishments
In my mind, I invented this list. 
 
In my desk drawer, I keep a list of the ten things that I have done in my life of which I am most proud.  This is not an ego thing.  It is a source of inspiration for me on a tough day.  It is a great reminder that I have had some wonderful experiences and I need that reminder the most when I have a day when I feel as though I don’t know anything, and I am not doing anything right.
 
This list helps to keep me focused on the things that are most important and determined to move forward with the intent of adding accomplishments to my list.
 
Daily Reflection List
I replay every day at the end of that day.  Good or bad, work day or vacation day, I take a few moments and reflect on what the day entailed and my role in it.  
 
My reflections involve a lot of questions, such as what did I learn and whether I found something to laugh about?  The exercise is meant to help me make sure that I got the most out of that day and to help me continue to move forward with purpose so that I extract as much as I can from the next day as well.
 
If you ever feel that your daily demands take you away from what matters most to you in life, this is a great checkpoint.  If your reflection isn’t heavy on the amount of time you spent on things that you enjoy and that help you achieve fulfillment, you have a chance to think about why and then set out to get a little closer to those things tomorrow.
 
Assets and Liabilities List
About once every three months, I draw up a list of assets and liabilities.  If you are not in the practice of doing this, I highly recommend that you start.
 
Financial health is a vital component of your overall peace of mind and a big part of your financial health is derived from how engaged you are in the management of your personal finances.  If you have a solid understanding of what you have accumulated (your assets) and what you owe (your liabilities), you have taken the most important step toward making informed decisions about your finances.
 
Financial health is not exclusively a derivative of wealth.  It is, more importantly, a derivative of your own understanding of what you have, what you owe, and what you are going to do increase what you have and decrease what you owe.
 
Discussion Points
This is the only list on my list that does not include the word list in the title, but it is nevertheless a list.  I use this list when I am going to make a speech, organize a soccer practice, or even if I want to have a conversation starter in my pocket when I am about to meet someone for the first time.
 
Over time, I have found that I do not need to write down every word of a speech before I make it to deliver it effectively.  I just need to make sure that I have some organization to my thoughts and that I don’t forget the key topics, and this is where the use of discussion points is helpful.  Similarly, I don’t want to be on the soccer field trying to come up with the next drill on the spot while a dozen 12-year old girls are screaming at me.  I have gotten a lot of use out of jotting down a short list of drills and games before each practice, so I have a reference point as we go.
 
For meetings, it is always helpful to have an outline of the main points I hope to cover, especially if I am meeting someone or a group of people for the first time and I am not sure how it will go or what to expect.
 
So far, I’ve gone heavy on the types of lists that help me to stay organized or otherwise on track.  Let’s finish with a few that are a little more fun.
 
Top 5 Favorites List
You can insert any number here, there is nothing magic about five. It also doesn’t have to be about your favorites.  You can substitute words like Greatest instead.
 
I include this list and use the number five because I have developed this one in response to questions from my kids over the years.  As they have grown up they have asked me about my times and experiences and often want to know, what my favorite (moment, trip, dinner, etc.) has been.  I usually struggle to narrow the answer to one favorite, so I have gotten into the habit of giving them my top five.
 
A list like this is also a good way to start an impromptu conversation with co-workers and friends.  What are your top five favorite movies, books, songs, or television shows?  These questions can lead to a fun discussion and help you to get to know people a little better.
 
Desert Island/Dinner Party List
These are actually two different lists that serve roughly the same purpose.  The desert island list involves the few things that would be essential to you if you were stranded on a deserted island.  You can decide how to limit the number of items and what is not allowed.
 
The dinner party list is the six people (alive or dead) that you have not met and would invite to a dinner party if you had the chance.  I used to ask this question during interviews thinking that it would be a good way to ask a question that the interviewee had not anticipated and to gain insight into that person’s values and heroes.
 
Whether you make these lists for yourself or you are asking others what would be on their list, it can be fun to talk about these topics and you may learn something from your answers or from the answers of your friends and colleagues.
 
Christmas List
I am going to finish strong here and go with the old standby.  Feel free to insert any holiday at the front of the list.  The point is that it is your wish list for whatever occasion you want to apply it to. 
 
Just remember to also make the list of the wishes you hope to fulfill for others, the gifts and experiences that you will give and share.
 
There you go.  I hope that you enjoyed reading the lists as much as I enjoyed writing about them, but I’ve got to go.  Now that I have written this article, I must make a new list of ideas for possible future articles.

This article is part of Scott Arney's educational series, entitled The Serial Decision Maker.

Stop. Break it Down
Programming your mind to proactively solve problems

Are you feeling overwhelmed?  Do you sometimes struggle to understand an explanation that you think everyone else around you understands perfectly well?  Do you worry that there is not enough time in the day to get through your “to-do” list?  Do you avoid taking on certain projects because you simply don’t know where to begin?
 
Worry no longer.  The answer is simple.  Stop.  Break it down.  MC Hammer was right!
 
If you are experiencing any of the feelings or frustration associated with being overwhelmed, it is because you are either looking too far ahead or thinking about too much at once.
 
If you don’t believe me, conduct your own experiment. Identify someone that you know who is organized and who demonstrates good time management skills.  It shouldn’t be too difficult.  We all know someone who always appears to have it all together, sometimes annoyingly so.
 
Ask that person what their secret is.  She may start by telling you all about the tools that she uses to stay organized, but press her to give you more details about her personal system for managing her day to day calendar, and I am willing to bet you that she will tell you that she does not allow her mind to get ahead of her and that she tends to break everything down into smaller pieces.  So, let’s start there.
 
Stop.  Before you even start to break it down, stop and take a deep breath.  Remind yourself that someone else’s time frame and schedule is not necessarily your time frame or schedule.  Give yourself an opportunity to think, to listen, and to process what you are being told or asked.
 
When you see someone act calmly despite a whirlwind of activity around him, he is able to do so because he is processing all of the information on his own terms.  In effect, he is not allowing his environment to dictate the pace of his thought process.  He has found a way to take in information and process it as he normally would, while remaining impervious to what is happening around him.

Picture a quarterback who drops back to throw a pass.  He will typically have about three seconds to scan the field, check the position of three to four potential targets, anticipate the route that each receiver is running, make a choice as to what his option is, and then throw the pass.  By the way, this is happening while at least four pass rushers are coming right at him. 
 
Do you think it would be easy to feel overwhelmed in that situation?  You bet.  Most quarterbacks, however, have disciplined their minds to simply follow a process without getting distracted by what is going on around them.  You can do the same with a little practice.
 
The next time someone asks you a question that you do not know the answer to, don’t waste time pretending to know or worrying about what you don’t know.  Take the opportunity to find the answer responsibly and respectfully and give yourself the time to do so accurately.  The person who asked you the question will appreciate the effort and the accuracy.
 
When the demands start piling up at work, take a moment to decide what your top priority is and take the same amount of time to handle it as you would if it was the only thing you had to do that day, using the same amount of efficiency and care that you always do.  Then knock the next item off your list using the same technique.
 
Now that you’ve trained yourself to stop, let’s break it down.  Problems often feel more complicated than they actually are.  Many times, it is because you are trying to solve everything at once.  When you face adversity, prepare for a conflict, or simply take on the headaches that arise in your daily routine, you will be well served if you can break these matters down into smaller pieces.
 
As an example, if you are diagnosed with a serious illness, you will likely be unable to grasp every aspect of that illness all at once.  Even if you are positive minded and your sole focus is to get better, you are not going to get better immediately so don’t put yourself in the impossible situation of trying to figure it all out immediately.
 
Write out every question you can think of and then rank them in order of importance.  Then, set out to answer each question one at a time according to the rank you have assigned.  You will develop a much clearer picture of what you are up against and, most importantly, a stronger understanding of what you are going to do about it.
 
If you know that a conflict is brewing, say with a friend or a family member, it is natural for you to develop anxiety and to fill your mind with dread.  Most of the anxiety and dread you feel is because you have allowed your mind to race to the possible negative outcomes of this conflict.  Stop.  Break it down.
  
Put yourself through the paces of analyzing the cause of the conflict, any attempts (if any) to resolve that conflict, and possible next steps.  While you are at it, think about what the best case scenarios for resolution would be and then set a course toward that resolution.
 
When you put your mind to work resolving a problem instead of just worrying about that problem, your mind will not have time to focus on the anxiety and the dread that you would otherwise create because it is occupied with productive thoughts designed to help you achieve your desired outcome.
 
Remember.
Stop.
Break it down.
Repeat, if necessary.
 
You don’t necessarily have to play that song in your head, but if you follow those simple lyrics, you will greatly limit the number of times you ever feel overwhelmed again and you will put yourself in the best possible position to make a good decision regardless of what you are facing or the task at hand.

​This article is part of Scott Arney's educational series, entitled The Serial Decision Maker.

Freedom of Familiarity?
We may have to be resolved to our physical confinement and restrictions for the foreseeable future, but that does not mean that our mental and emotional beings need to be confined by those same restraints

As I may have mentioned on a few occasions, sometimes an idea for an article pops into my head and the words immediately pour out.  Other times, I get the idea and all the words roll around in my head for a while before they eventually assemble in a cohesive way.  What you are about to read falls into the latter category.  As you read it, you will likely understand why this composition crystalized at this time.
 
Every one of us has a comfort zone, a place where we find peace, safety, love, and happiness.  Your comfort zone may be your home or anywhere you happen to be in the same place as your spouse or your best friend.   Your comfort zone may be your favorite vacation spot or your local coffee house.  Wherever you are most likely to feel your best, strongest, most confident self on full display, that is your comfort zone.
 
Your comfort zone is likely different than mine, but there are almost certainly common threads amongst our definitions.  I mentioned a few of them already; peace, love, happiness, strength, confidence.  How about familiarity?  When you have familiarity with someone or something, you are free to be yourself and when you are true to yourself, you are the best version of yourself.
 
When you exist in this zone, you can accomplish great things.  The confidence that you feel in your comfort zone should liberate you from your inhibitions and help you to unlock your potential and challenge yourself to learn more and expand your horizons.  After all, if it does get scary as you progress forward, you can always come back to your comfort zone.
 
Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work this way.  Whether it is the allure of all that comfort and peace or a desire to shelter yourself from anything that might disappoint or frustrate you, you may very well be tempted to stay in that zone as much as possible once you have found it.
 
However you view your comfort zone and whatever amount of time you spend in it, ask yourself this question: Would your feelings about it and the time you spend there change if you couldn’t leave?  If you suddenly did not have any choice, but to stay in your comfort zone, would the familiarity of it set you free or trap you?
 
My view on my comfort zone is analogous to a lap top and its docking station.  The purpose of the laptop is to create mobility and versatility for you and the tasks that you need to complete.  When the laptop has done its job for the day and its battery power begins to wane, you pop it snugly back into its docking station, where it re-charges, syncs up, and gets ready for the next day.
 
When the laptop works in concert with its docking station, it is perfectly suited for the tasks at hand.  If it never docked, it would never sync with the broader system to which it is attached, and it would ultimately run out of charge and value to you.  Conversely, if the laptop never left the docking station, there would be no point in having one because the reasons you own it would be negated by the complete lack of mobility and versatility now trapped in the docking station.
 
In my mind, if you choose to never leave your comfort zone you are negating the value of your comfort zone and resigning yourself to a life of perpetually untapped potential, limited or no opportunity for growth, and confinement in place of freedom.  The only decision you are making in this scenario is the decision to stay where you are.  I guess that because you are making that choice, you could fool yourself into thinking that you have chosen to be where you are.  But, what if that choice is taken away?
 
The power of choice and the freedom to make your own decisions are the greatest and most powerful freedoms you have.  If that power is taken from you for a short amount of time for a cause or a reason that you understand, chances are great that you would still be willing to sacrifice your decision making for the greater good.
 
What if the circumstances aren’t so clear and the time frame is even fuzzier?  How long would you be willing to make that sacrifice and what would you want in exchange for making it?
 
Adverse and difficult times have a way of bringing the best out of you.  It might be because they cause you to look at yourself and the world around you in a different way, or that they create a different focus for you.  Sometimes, the challenges you face are simplified when there is one overriding factor that looms so large, you have no choice but to stand together with those around you and face it.
 
Friends and family are typically front and center during tough times.  If you appreciated them before facing those tough times, you probably appreciate them even more so while you face those times and if you were taking them for granted, you may realize that and make it a point to let them know how much they really mean to you.
 
As we all face these difficult times together, confined to our individual comfort zones and temporarily deprived of many of our basic and most powerful freedoms, let’s make it a point not to let those same comfort zones trap us now or on the other side of this adversity.
 
We may have to be resolved to our physical confinement and restrictions for the foreseeable future, but that does not mean that our mental and emotional beings need to be confined by those same restraints.
 
I am going to make it a point to continue to find ways to expand my mind, harness my emotions, and strengthen my resolve to be a better person in the short and long term.  What are you going to do?
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​This article is part of Scott Arney's educational series, entitled The Serial Decision Maker.

​What’s Fair?
What is fair is that even though you will rarely, if ever, play on a level field, you have the power to determine how you are going to play the game.

​That’s not fair.
 
Life isn’t fair.
 
How many times have you heard these statements uttered?  I was thinking that instead of trying to define an intangible, highly subjective concept such as fairness by what it is not, it might be worthwhile to take a crack at what it is.
 
Let’s start with the cliché of a level playing field often used to symbolize an equal starting point for anyone involved in a competition.  When I used to coach soccer, our games would always take place on fields that were part of a larger park.  The league would do its best to identify the best area of the park to stripe and mark off the field.
 
Early on, I realized that there was almost always a slope to the field.  Sometimes it was a gradual, barely discernible slope and sometimes it was more like a small hill.  Either way, the playing field was literally not level or even.  So, I decided that we would use that to our advantage and each week I would make it a point to be the first coach to arrive for the game.  
 
Upon arrival, I would stake out our practice area at the goal that was at the higher end of the field and that is the goal that we would be driving toward when the game started. Because teams switch sides at halftime, it also meant that we would drive toward the goal at the lower end of the field in the second half.
 
The first couple times I did this, I let the team know that they would be running uphill in the first half and I emphasized that if they could grab the lead or at least keep the game close in the first half, then the second half would most certainly be ours to take full advantage of because it was easier to run downhill.  They soon grasped the concept and we all adapted that way of thinking without having to talk about it before each game.
 
I have no idea whether that strategy made a difference physically, but I know with absolute certainty that it made a difference mentally.  The whole team bought into the idea that it mattered and that is what counted. Invariably, if we had a strong first half, we stomped the other team in the second half.  If we had a tough first half, the team was visibly energized by the thought that the tough part was over.
 
Of course, we did not always win.  We did, however, always create at least a slight mental advantage that put us in the best position to win.  We simply took a situation that could have been construed as unfair and used it to our benefit. 
 
So, here’s the point. There is nothing in life that equates everything for everybody other than living life itself.  You are not promised a rosy future when you are born. There are no rules anywhere that mandate that you will earn the same living as the person standing next to you. You are not assured that your circumstances will be easy or that you will be surrounded by love and friendship. In fact, the second that you begin living, the exact opposite is true.
 
You will absolutely experience adversity.  You will experience hurt and loss and frustration.  At some point you will be in pain.  You will be fearful.  Is it fair? I don’t know, but it’s life and, in life, everyone has things to deal with that they would rather not, and everyone deals with events they would rather not experience.
 
What is fair is that even though you will rarely, if ever, play on a level field, you have the power to determine how you are going to play the game.
 
You have the ability to reason, assess, and to exercise your own logic.  You have the greatest power of all, the power of choice.
 
You have a chance to do well, to succeed, to find your unique talent and excel regardless of how the game is being played or what the other person or team is doing.
 
If you have that chance, that sounds fair to me.

This article is part of Scott Arney's educational series, entitled The Serial Decision Maker.

Teach don’t Tell

You have aspired to be a manager since the start of your career.  You have been a dedicated student and you have followed directions.  Along the way, you have gained the knowledge and the expertise that is necessary for you to continue to advance and to add to your level of responsibility.
 
You have taken some big steps toward management, but the know-how that you have gained won’t necessarily make you ready to be an effective leader.  There are still at least two things that you will need to fully understand in order to be prepared when promotion day arrives.
 
First, you must realize that the primary change and biggest difference in your job going forward is the addition of the responsibility for others and the fact that you will no longer be assessed solely on your work results, but on the results of those for whom you are now responsible.
 
Second, if you are now reliant on those for whom you are responsible, you will need to quickly figure out how to put them in the best possible position to succeed.  The best way to do that is to understand the difference between teaching and telling.
 
I occasionally hear people say, “I can’t wait to be the boss so I can tell people what to do.”  If that is your perception of what it means to be a manager you are in for a rude awakening. 
 
Knowing how to do your job is very different than knowing how to help someone else know how to do their job.  Anybody can tell someone else what to do, but that will not help them understand why they are doing it or what its correlation is to their success.
 
Let’s start with this premise.  Don’t say it if you can’t explain it.
 
If you have kids, you already know that you can very quickly lose control of a discussion and look like you have no idea what you are talking about the second you use a word or repeat a saying that you cannot clearly explain to your inquisitive child.  You must understand what you are talking about if you are going to have any chance of assisting your child to understand what you are talking about.
 
The same is true when you are working with employees.  Most vocations have their own lingo.  The police definitely use their own vernacular.  Lawyers like to throw a lot of Latin around.  In the credit union world, we like to abbreviate.  That’s all great and maybe even necessary, at times, but if you are going to talk the talk you better first understand what you are talking about.
 
Another must in teaching is to understand the “why” behind what you are relating.  If your answer to the question of why a procedure is in place is that “it’s just the way we have always done it," you are likely falling into the trap of telling and not teaching.
 
By the way, this also applies to your interaction with clients.  If you have an unhappy customer on your hands and you find that you are unable to articulate your policy and its application to that person, you are going to be in a very uncomfortable situation.
 
Your ability to teach will not only help you develop employees and effectively resolve disputes with customers, it also directly correlates to your ability to advance.  In a similar way that a student who thoroughly understands the subject matter is much more likely to get an “A” on the test, the employee or manager who demonstrates command of her area of responsibility will likely be the first one considered when a promotional opportunity presents itself.
 
Conversely, a student who simply repeats what his teacher has said and an employee who merely recites the employee handbook are not likely to be the ones next called upon to lead a collaborative discussion or take on an important assignment.
 
Telling someone to do something or that a project is due takes very little time at all.  Effective teaching, however, can require significant time.  Account for that by preparing your employees well in advance of a key deadline or progress measurement.  A successful teaching and learning process generally relies on some repetition, a little bit of positive reinforcement, and at least one real life application of the concept or procedure.  If you realize this ahead of time and plan accordingly, you will put your employees in position to advance, which will help you to continue your success.
 
Telling is essentially unilateral and the act of telling someone what to do does not necessarily require an understanding of the situation or even two willing parties because there is no guarantee that the person being told wants to be part of the process.
 
Teaching is collaborative by its very nature because it requires at least one party to teach and one party to learn.  Collaborative efforts lead to a greater understanding of each other and the needs of your organization.
 
Whether you are already a manager or you aspire to be one, whether you are working with students or co-workers, when you are next given an opportunity to teach, take it.  In fact, make it a habit and you will undoubtedly move forward as will those around you. 

This article is part of Scott Arney's Serial Decision Maker educational series.

​Patience (and Tolerance)
 
My dad used to joke that he could never be a doctor because he had no patients.  I deliberately misspelled patience to convey the word play because it is really difficult to tell a joke one dimensionally.
 
Okay, moving on before you lose patience with me.  
 
Patience is tricky for me. At best, I am a conditionally patient kind of guy and those conditions are often only known to me.  By this, I mean that I believe that patience isn’t simply practiced, it is also earned.  I will do my best to explain using real life examples, but I am not going to promise that you won’t lose patience with me before I do.  Here goes.
 
I have patience for student drivers and for kids who have recently obtained their license.  I have no patience at all for people who hold up traffic, driving 20 miles under the speed limit in the fast lane while texting.
 
I have patience for employees who show up every day ready to learn something new and to challenge themselves.  I have no patience at all for an employee who asks not what he can do for the company, but what the company can do for him.
 
I have patience for anyone who exerts an earnest effort, but falls short of his or her goal.  I have no patience at all for those who set no goals and demonstrate no ambition, but expect the world anyway.
 
I have patience when a contractor calls to tell me that he will be late or postponed.  I have no patience at all for the contractor who delays my project with no advanced notice or any explanation.
 
I have patience for great causes that may take some time to find their way and gain traction even if it means that I spend more time working on behalf of them.  I have no patience at all for poorly thought out, unorganized efforts that go nowhere, but waste time indiscriminately.
 
Basically, I find that I have all kinds of time for people and causes that are genuine and not so much for those that aren’t.
 
I look at it like this. My time has always been precious to me and I am judicious with it accordingly.  For the most part, I have become adept at assessing a person or a cause and then determining with accuracy whether I should be patient and invest some of my time and energy.  I think that skill has helped me to derive more enjoyment from my time than I otherwise would have if I simply offered my patience unconditionally.  I also think that practicing this skill has made me a better decision maker.
 
In the spirit of full disclosure, however, I can tell you that I am not always patient with myself and I absolutely react too impatiently to certain situations.
 
I am a horrible handyman, but I still approach every household project as though it will only take a few minutes and when that turns out not to be true, I immediately get frustrated.  Along those same lines, despite having a very limited toolbox, I still somehow expect to always have just the right tool for the job only for my unfounded optimism to turn to instantaneous ire.
 
I love animals and I full well know that pets are a lot of work yet when our dog is in our backyard for two minutes and somehow comes back to the door filthy, it often is a true test of my patience.
 
So, I guess what I am saying is that even though the concept of patience is obviously something I have given a lot of thought to and have gone as far as to categorize it, even I can’t fully explain how I apply it.  I think this is because somewhere along the way my patience or lack thereof intertwines with my tolerance.  This then leads to the question of whether a person can be patient, but intolerant or impatient and tolerant at the same time.  I think the answer is yes, which really starts to create some confusion!
 
Clearly, patience can and often does go hand in hand with tolerance, however, the opposite is far more interesting to think about.  Using my previous example, I am apparently patient with our dog, but intolerant of the mess she creates.  Similarly, I consider myself to not only be tolerant of, but interested in the many varied opinions of the people I interact with on a daily basis, but if one of those persons takes too long to state that opinion I may grow impatient with him.
 
In these instances, I need to be careful not to convey the wrong message.  I want our dog to know I love her and that she is not in trouble just because she goes out and does what dogs do.  I also need my long-winded acquaintance to know that his opinion is just fine with me even though he may not be as concise as I would like him to be when sharing it.
 
If I think of myself as patient and tolerant, but my pets and friends don’t receive that message, then the virtue of my patience and tolerance is completely lost because when it comes to matters such as these, the only reality is the perception of those that you care about.  The challenge isn’t to make myself more patient or tolerant.  The challenge is to make sure that I convey whatever level of patience and tolerance I feel in a clear and appropriate way even when I am the only party involved.
 
I am going to continue to work on my own patience and tolerance and hopefully improve upon it, especially the way in which I convey it to others.  I value self-awareness in others and I need to make sure that I practice it myself.  In my opinion, anyone who comports himself in a manner that indicates he knows who he is, how he portrays himself, and is respectful of others along the way is very likely worth my patience and tolerance.

This article is part of Scott Arney's educational series, entitled The Serial Decision Maker

Mindset
When you have the right mindset, you form the foundation for good decision-making

Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right.
 
I don’t know who first said those words, but I grew up hearing them and I don’t remember a time when I was not aware of the meaning of that statement. In fact, the older I get, the more meaningful this statement becomes.
 
So much of what you accomplish in life is only possible when you first believe you can accomplish it.  Said another way, so much of what goes unfulfilled in life is a result of a lack of belief in yourself and what might be possible should you be willing to try.
 
I have met many people who I thought had a ton of potential and that much of it was untapped.  I have also met a lot people who I felt were unique and as I got to know them better became even more convinced that they were capable of achieving at a level beyond where they were currently at in their life.  In these instances, it was my belief that the common thread was a fear of failure.
 
Fear of failure is a topic in itself for another time, but for the purposes of this example, let’s just say that it is a trait that is unique among humans. For some reason, many more people than not tend to focus on what they cannot do versus what they can.  Worse, many people who think they cannot do something only think that is the case because they have never actually tried to do whatever it is they think they can’t do.
 
This thought process is akin to the one that you may use when determining what foods you don’t like.  In most cases, you may only think you don’t like something, but you have never actually tried it.
 
If you are one of these people, try this exercise.  Instead of thinking about what you cannot or have not done, focus on what you can do and have done.  Give yourself an opportunity to build some momentum toward the development of a positive mindset.  For example, at the end of a busy day, think about what you crossed off of your to-do list instead of the things that you just couldn’t get to.
 
There is nothing wrong with looking back on each day in order to evaluate what went right and what went wrong, but if you give yourself some credit for what you accomplished versus just kicking yourself for what you didn’t do, you may find that you eventually will empower yourself to start feeling better about what you are doing and to think about what else might be possible.
 
Another common element that can detract from a healthy and positive mindset is the concept of your comfort zone.  Your comfort zone is whatever circle you draw around yourself at any given time that allows you to feel safe and relaxed.  You need comfort in your life and there are definitely times when it is healthy to allow yourself to feel protected and warm and to enjoy the peace of mind that comes with those feelings.
 
You do not need as much comfort as you might think, however, and in that sense the importance of comfort is a bit over rated.  If you think about the greatest, most exciting times in your life, comfort is not likely to be one of the first thoughts those memories invoke. In fact, those exciting times were likely only possible because you stepped out of your comfort zone.  You gave yourself the opportunity to learn something new or experience something totally different and outside of your routine.
 
Providing comfort to others is noble.  Seeking comfort from others, especially when times are tough, is necessary. Retreating to your favorite chair or putting on your softest slippers at the end of a hard day is an essential luxury.
 
However, allowing your comfort zone to enable you to stand pat, to not venture into the unknown at least a little bit, or to somehow make it okay to not apply yourself toward worthwhile challenges is completely unacceptable.
 
Do you find that you approach new situations, such as a get together with a new neighbor or the start of a new class, with dread or that you concentrate on all of the things that could go wrong?  If so, recognize what you are doing.  While it may be easy to talk yourself out of attending one function or to put off taking that next class, making a habit of doing so will only lead to a very small and constantly diminishing comfort zone.
 
When you try something new, especially if it involves putting yourself out there for others to see, something will likely go wrong.  If, however, your mindset is positive and you choose to concentrate on the side of your mental ledger that keeps track of what goes right and what is gained, the things that don’t go so well won’t be nearly as important to you as they once were.
 
There is always room for improvement in just about everything that you do, but improvement isn’t possible unless you are out there doing something to begin with.  If you strive to improve as opposed to letting the thought that your endeavor won’t be perfect stop you from trying, you are moving forward with purpose and toward fulfillment and achievement.
 
When you take the steps that are necessary for you to develop a healthy and positive mindset, you also send a strong signal to those around you that you are confident and that you are dealing from a position of strength.  You indicate that you are someone who is interested in taking an active role in determining the outcome of situations with which you are involved.
 
When you have the right mindset, you form the foundation for good decision-making.  Once you make good decisions on a consistent basis, anything is possible!

This article is part of Scott Arney's educational series, entitled The Serial Decision Maker.